Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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