Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
