We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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