yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
