Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dear god my vagina.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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