He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
