doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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