I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
