I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
