you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
