Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
