i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
