I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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