Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
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