dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
