how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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