ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
