Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
