omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
