I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
