He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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