An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
