Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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