im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
