Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
