Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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