We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
