i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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