so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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