you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
