I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
