You work out of a Hotel?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
