She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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