I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
