last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
