i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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