if i can run in heels then i can drive
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
