Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
