hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone shattered a urinal.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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