So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
