I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
