I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
