i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
