I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
