i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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