Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
