Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
