Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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