I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
