i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
