then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
