u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's the barista slut.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
