fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
