Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
