conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
