Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
