True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
