if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just threw up on my dentist
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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